The Toxic Avenger Asks “Dear EB”

Dear EB:

I need some advice on how to deal with a toxic person in the workplace. One of my co-workers, "Rob", is kind of a jerk. He is rude and sarcastic when communicating with his teammates and with clients. He only does the work that he likes, and he manipulates others into doing the work he doesn't like. He lies to cover up any of his mistakes and short-comings. In addition to all of this, he considers himself to be the office "prankster." The only problem is, his pranks aren't funny. In fact they are extremely inappropriate and offensive. They typically exploit another person and make them look stupid, while, of course, making him seem superior.

Several attempts have been made to discuss this gentleman's behavior with his immediate supervisor and when that failed, with her immediate supervisor. However, nothing has been done to hold this man accountable for his behavior. In fact, I have a feeling the supervisors aren't taking these issues seriously at all.

I have accepted the fact that this man is not going to change or be fired and that I'm going to have to find a way to accept that until I can find a new job. How should I structure my communications with this man to ensure that I can get what I need from him in order to complete my own assignments? What are some strategies I can employ that will minimize the effects of his horrible attitude on my own morale? What can I do to help boost the morale of the rest of the team who have also been affected negatively by his behavior? 

Thanks in advance,
The Toxic Avenger

Dear Toxic Avenger:
Thank you for writing. Your decision to take positive action by reaching out for suggestions is evidence of your natural leadership. You have chosen to make a difference in a situation where compassionate management is essential. Well done!

In the scenario outlined above, a state of affairs has developed that places a strain on you along with department team members. Consequences may also be felt in the overall business because when relationships are impacted, productivity is delayed, and that drives up costs. Change is required at each level from the individual, to the departmental, and finally the organizational.

During the days ahead, consider that you don't know the full scope of Rob's motivations. There is more than what you see at the office; there may be circumstances outside the workplace that influence his behavior. Additionally, he may be unaware of how deeply his conduct is felt by others.

Take this opportunity to show your desire for mutual respect through your professionalism. Address issues as they arise. Quietly, take Rob aside when there is a workflow matter or inappropriate behavior which directly affects you, and share your concerns or questions. Help him become attuned to the various interpretations and the impact of his actions.

Prepare for your conversation by clarifying your goals. Be specific. What is the desired outcome? Define the dependencies in your mutual work areas, and be prepared to dispassionately and concisely discuss those intersection points. Review the current objective and existing problems without adding blame for past events.

For example: "Today our goal is to improve manufacturing schedule forecasts to support supply management. The current issue is that when required data is not received by the 15^th of the month critical reports are delayed. This holdup forces inconsistent forecasting estimates and therefore manufacturing schedules become challenging for supply management."

Arrange time to meet with Rob, and stay focused on the goal at hand when you do. During the subsequent discussion, take time to listen while keeping an open mind to Rob's responses. Different expectations can evolve into a new arrangement in which the requirements for both parties are acknowledged and can be successfully accomplished. This type of interaction works for teams too. Specific planning discussions often progress into facilitated team sessions to review general workflow, handoffs, and role responsibilities. From here process improvements emerge because the stage is set to share ideas and focus on a common goal.

In the event there is minimal improvement after your meeting with Rob, schedule a private conference with your supervisor. Provide a detailed, yet, neutral account of the problem. The same applies when inappropriate "prankster" behavior occurs. Speak with your supervisors in a timely manner. Do not wait for resentments to fester--deal with issues quickly to eliminate work distractions and prevent frustration.

However, if after bringing the issues forward to leadership, you still find the results unsatisfactory, it is time to ask yourself some tough questions. "Have I done all I can do to improve this situation?" If you answer no, what else is left for you to do? Are you willing to do it? If you decide that you have done your best, define your next steps and take action.

In the meantime, consider how each person individually influences the energy of the workplace. Every word spoken and every action taken creates a far-reaching ripple within the team. These ripples are the responses that either contribute or detract from the essential foundation of mutual respect and trust.

Trust is vital in life and paramount in professional interactions. It is built on credibility and behavior, by demonstrating the expertise required to successfully fulfill the job responsibilities coupled with clear communication skills and considerate conduct. Trust is defined by saying what you mean and doing what you say you'll do -- every time.

We thrive in an environment of trust, where there is a shared vision, transparency, and dedication to a common goal along with a sense of fun. People feel empowered and act accordingly; they are committed to the well-being of their workmates and sustainability of the company.

In this situation you have the chance to build trust and lead the way through change; by recognizing the opportunity, identifying and evaluating potential options, and then taking appropriate action, transformation occurs. You can play a vital role in that process. In summary:

1. Maintain open communication.
2. Define what you need from your teammates and learn what they need from you.
3. Develop shared expectations.
4. Request assistance from management to improve workplace harmony and productivity.
5. Reflect on job satisfaction and decide on your personal course of action.

Wishing you and your team all the best.

Judith Lukomski
Organizational Development and Change Consultant

About our Dear EB author: Judith Lukomski is a recognized change expert who brings a fresh perspective, proven methodologies, and transformational tools to client collaborations. Leveraging best practices and introducing New Dimension™ systems synthesizing logic, intuition, and creativity she delivers original Organizational Design and Readiness solutions for sustainable success. Ms. Lukomski merges practical experience with new business models to facilitate bottom-line success for clients. Building on the principles of shared passion, purpose, and profitability she is dedicated to ensuring a positive future for all!

If your organization is currently experiencing or anticipating changes in leadership, software systems, organizational structure, or any major shift in operations, contact Escoe Bliss (949.336.6444) to find out how our team of experts, like Judith, can help you achieve project success.

The Equal Opportunity Advocate Asks "Dear EB"

Dear EB:

I have a coworker who's incredibly smart and talented, and really wants to contribute as much as she can to the rest of the team. A lot of the times, this means that she does the most talking in meetings and brainstorming sessions, effectively removing the chance for any other team members to contribute their ideas and have their voice heard. It's getting to the point where it's having an adverse effect on the growth of the team, and so I'm wondering, what is a good way to bring more balance to the contributions in order to allow other team members' voices to be heard?

Sincerely,
The Equal Opportunity Advocate


Dear Equal Opportunity Advocate:

Your question certainly brings back similar times for me working with peers—feeling “caught” in situations where others’ or my ideas are being blocked from being aired. It does not matter on over-contributors’ intents—their actions are blocking good, great, or perhaps the best ideas from being shared and therefore positively affecting results.

First, I commend you on wanting to take action. Too many times, I have witnessed the same behavior on intact work teams. Instead of taking positive action, the team members attempt to fix or control the over-contributor and then the team members become even more frustrated that their efforts did not magically work.

In situations like this one, you can choose between two separate approaches or instead opt for a combination approach. The best approach will depend on the people you work with and the dynamics of the group. The direct approach would be to address the over-contributor in a personal, one-to-one manner. In a different team dynamic, it may be best to reach out to a team leader in a private meeting where you can voice your concern and propose a resolution.

When I experience counter-productive situations with peers, I try to remember something one of my past leaders told me: assume positive intent. At times the pace of work and stress can be high and I even fail by acting hastily before taking some time for reflection—we are human. I then remember to take a pause and try to reflect on why the person chose to act the way that I observed. Speaking from my experience, it typically comes down to the fact that others have allowed the behavior to go on for so long in the work environment combined with the person, in your case the over-contributor, receiving continuous, positive reinforcement.

Following the first path, consider how the over-contributor tends to receive feedback based on past situations. Does she tend to be open to listening and taking in feedback? Does she tend to become defensive? How would she react if you approached her one-to-one outside of earshot of others in your work environment and you asked, “I see we have an upcoming brainstorming meeting—do you have a minute to chat?”

If you take the lead to approach her, then what has worked for me is to frame the conversation from your experience and impact on you, and possibly others. For example, in a very calm, relaxed facial, and open body posture, you might say, “I know that we are going to brainstorm new system processes changes. During past brainstorming sessions, I notice that based on your knowledge and past experience, you always have much to offer. However, at times, I can see that not all the other voices, mine included, are being heard, which then influences our teaming and ownership on the new changes. I was wondering how we could resolve this so that while you get your ideas out, we all also get the opportunity to express at least one of our ideas aloud for discussion. What are your thoughts?”

Be prepared—as she may challenge you for examples. Be factual by briefly stating a few actual observations you experienced from a most recent meeting. For example, “When we were discussing a resolution on addressing the data results from last quarter, you were the first to speak and shared your full list of eight ideas before anyone else had an opportunity to share. When it came time for others to chime in, nothing was shared.” Direct the conversation towards working on a solution where everyone knows they'll have the opportunity to share.

If you decide not to take the direct path and/or you do and it does not work the way you intended, you should directly address your team leader. In fact, your team leader should be stepping up to create the environment where all ideas are brought out “on the table” from everyone—even those who typically might be reticent to speaking up at meetings—as you never know who might offer an even better approach or an enhancement.

From what I can infer from your question, and my experience, teams tend to forget that they need expectations set for all meeting types—they assume that everyone knows. I would approach your leader in the same fashion I shared for the over-contributor, for example, you could say, “Before we are in the scheduled brainstorming meeting—do you have a minute to chat?” During your meeting, you can open the discussion with, “I would like to suggest that we establish team expectations for all brainstorming meeting sessions. For example, we have 11 on our team. We should be told that we must come prepared with at least one—the more the better—idea to address the new system processes changes. At the meeting, everyone needs to share their one idea before we go back around to the first person. Preferably, we should start discussing either randomly or with the person who tends to be quiet. We never know who might have a part of the solution. What are your thoughts?”

At this point, your leader might open the discussion to possibly accept what you are suggesting as well as ask you what actually transpired to nudge you to make this suggestion. Again, focus on your positive intent—wanting to build team camaraderie and explore all potential solutions. Do not use the discussion to throw the over-contributor “under-the-bus”. Instead, focus on facts of your experience from past meetings, such as, “Well, in the last meeting on addressing the data results from last quarter, Karen began and ended the discussion by sharing eight ideas before anyone else had an opportunity to share—and therefore be heard and validated.”

As previously stated, addressing behavioral situations that impact productivity on a peer-to-peer basis can be very challenging. However, you owe it to yourself to help create a productive team environment—plus you are now practicing an important skill required for all effective team leaders. Your best direction between which path to take depends on the affability of the over-contributor and the level of comfort you have in your work relationship with her.

Good luck to you and your team as you move forward!

Robert Gasdick
Training Delivery & Design Consultant

About Our Dear EB Author: Robert Gasdick has 26 years of progressive experience in the banking-related industry and human resources. As an external consultant/trainer he facilitates courses in areas such as leadership, management, communication, conflict resolution, change, presentation skills and business writing.

Escoe Bliss is proud to count Mr. Gasdick among our team of talented consultants. Please contact us to learn how we can provide your company with customized training solutions.

Ask Dear EB: Are you experiencing a challenging situation at your workplace and you'd like advice from Dear EB? Just send us an email and an expert Escoe Bliss consultant will respond with helpful and applicable advice via Blogging With Bliss and our next issue of The Insider. We pledge to keep all information anonymous and confidential.