The Replacement Ref Asks "Dear EB"

Dear EB:

I have a co-worker who has a bad habit of interrupting people. At first, she was just interrupting conversations or instructions. It was frustrating, but it wasn't anything that we couldn't simply acknowledge and then go back to the conversation at hand. Also, no one has really been too upset with her as it's quite obvious that she does not realize that she's doing it. However, a few days ago, a few of us noticed that she has started to interrupt people when they are talking to clients. 

Recently, I was meeting with a client to discuss some of the new services I could offer her. I had just finished explaining one of our new services - and when I say just finished, I mean the final word in the sentence had just left my mouth - when she jumped in to remind me about another service we provide. She was not a part of the conversation, but she inserted herself into it nonetheless. I felt fortunate that the client I was working with knew me well and has a lot of respect for me. Had I been meeting with a new client, it's possible that she could have thought that I was not familiar with all of our services and it could have made her less likely to have confidence in me and what I can do for her. A few hours later, I saw her interrupt another co-worker who was meeting with another new client. This co-worker was telling the client about a service package we provide and she interrupted our co-worker mid-sentence to tell this new client about some service options. Again, she was not part of the conversation. The new client actually gave her a harsh look that she seemed to be oblivious to.

This is my problem. I think that this woman genuinely thinks she's helping us out and has absolutely no idea how her behavior is effecting our communication with our clients. Despite her good intentions, we need to figure out some way to address and put an end to the behavior. My boss and I have discussed it and he would like me to talk to her about it. I am not her superior per se, but I am senior to her and in the event of my boss' absence, I am in charge. My boss has told me in the past that he would like to see me get into management, so I think he wants me to take this on in order to give me some conflict resolution experience. Do you have any suggestions on how best to approach this subject with her? 

Sincerely,
The Replacement Ref


Dear Replacement Ref:
You have a few challenges in this situation! First, since you don’t know what your co-worker’s intention is when she is speaking up in these situations, you may be making some assumptions that may or may not be true. Those assumptions could impact the way you interact with her. Second, the fact that nobody has told your co-worker that her behavior is inappropriate, has actually reinforced the bad behavior – that may be why you have seen it expand to more situations. Third, since you are not your co-worker’s superior, feedback may be more difficult for you to give and for her to receive than if you were her boss.

Don’t despair. Even with these challenges, here are some strategies and techniques for you to consider.

Let’s start with the first challenge – intent. When faced with a person behaving in a way we deem “wrong,” it’s helpful to spend some time considering the person’s intent. In this case, let’s imagine what her intent might be when your co-worker interrupts. If we focus on negative reasons, we might include; she wants attention, she thinks she knows more than anyone else, or she wants the client to like her better than her colleagues. If we focus on positive intent, we might include; as you said, she thinks she’s helping, she wants to be part of the team, she wants to be sure the client knows all of the options, or she’s just excited and can’t contain herself. You may have other thoughts about what her intent might be.

When we ascribe negative intent to someone’s behavior, we tend to respond to them in a negative way. On the other hand, when we assume a positive intent, we are more likely to approach our conversation with them in a positive way. So, I recommend you start by imagining a positive intent for your co-worker’s behavior to focus on as you prepare to meet with her.

Now, let’s look at the second challenge. As you indicated, your co-worker probably isn’t aware of her behavior. And, if she is, she certainly is unaware of the impact her interrupting is having on her colleagues and the clients. This is a situation that could call for a couple of strategies. First, you may need to clarify roles, and second, you may need to have a feedback conversation.

While the interrupting is a behavior that is showing up in a variety of settings, let’s look specifically at the client situations. I wonder if your co-worker and you both agree on her role in client meetings? If she doesn’t have a specific role or place on the agenda of the meeting, she won’t know when or how to participate. So, a first conversation might be to clarify roles in an upcoming meeting. That might sound like “In our meeting today, I’ll take the lead role with the client. Your role is to observe and make notes. Also, I would like you to respond with your ideas or thoughts when I ask you if you have additional comments to add to what has been said.” You may find role clarity is all that’s needed to shift her behavior with clients.

The reality, however, is that you are likely to also need a feedback conversation. I say this since the behavior seems to show up frequently and in a variety of situations. The most successful feedback conversations are dialogues rather than one person telling the other what they’ve done wrong. When you can get the person engaged in looking at the situation with you, you increase the odds that she will listen and help identify a solution.

A model I like to use is Observation, Impact, Options, Agreement. Let’s look at how you can use this model for a conversation with your co-worker.

You might start with; “I noticed in our client meeting this morning that you spoke up before I finished what I was saying. Did you notice that too?” (Observation) Wait for her to respond.

Then to continue to engage her, you might ask, “If you were the client, how might you have interpreted the way that interaction went?” (Impact) Your goal is to get her to start thinking about how she is perceived when she interrupts.

You might also say, “I’m sure you don’t intend to cut people off. I wonder if we can identify a positive way for you to contribute to meetings without interrupting.” (Options) Let her share her ideas if she has them. Then you can offer your own. You might say, “May I share an idea with you?” Then, “It would work well for me, if you would wait until I ask you for your input.” Or, “If you have something to share before I ask you, would you wait for me to complete what I am saying before you speak?”

“What will you try in our next meeting?” (Agreement)

As you have acknowledged, the fact that you aren’t your co-worker’s superior is an important factor to consider. Choosing a neutral location for the conversation rather than your office is important to keep her from feeling that you are “bossing” her. Also let her choose the time. You can say, “I’d like to debrief our client meeting with you. When’s a good time for you?” You can also start the meeting with, “What did you think went well about our client meeting this morning.” Then ask “What do you think we should do differently next time?” After she responds to each question, you can add on your thoughts, and that will transition you into the above conversation. Notice how location, timing, and letting her share first all create a more equal playing ground for the conversation.

My final thought is this. Be clear on your intent for this conversation. If you are clear that you want to help your co-worker learn and grow and be successful, you have a much better chance of seeing her change her behavior than if your intent is to put her down, put her in her place, or something else negative!

About Our Dear EB Author: Susan Gerke is an accomplished consultant specializing in facilitation, coaching, and curriculum development. Susan is the co-developer of Go Team Resources, a complete team-training and team building resource.

If your organization is experiencing or anticipating changes in leadership, organizational structure, or any major shift in operations, contact Escoe Bliss (949.336.6444) to find out how our team of experts, like Susan, can help you achieve project success.

Ask Dear EB: Are you experiencing a challenging situation at your workplace and you'd like advice from Dear EB? Just send us an email and an expert Escoe Bliss consultant will respond with helpful and applicable advice via Blogging With Bliss and our next issue of The Insider. We pledge to keep all information anonymous and confidential.

The Toxic Avenger Asks “Dear EB”

Dear EB:

I need some advice on how to deal with a toxic person in the workplace. One of my co-workers, "Rob", is kind of a jerk. He is rude and sarcastic when communicating with his teammates and with clients. He only does the work that he likes, and he manipulates others into doing the work he doesn't like. He lies to cover up any of his mistakes and short-comings. In addition to all of this, he considers himself to be the office "prankster." The only problem is, his pranks aren't funny. In fact they are extremely inappropriate and offensive. They typically exploit another person and make them look stupid, while, of course, making him seem superior.

Several attempts have been made to discuss this gentleman's behavior with his immediate supervisor and when that failed, with her immediate supervisor. However, nothing has been done to hold this man accountable for his behavior. In fact, I have a feeling the supervisors aren't taking these issues seriously at all.

I have accepted the fact that this man is not going to change or be fired and that I'm going to have to find a way to accept that until I can find a new job. How should I structure my communications with this man to ensure that I can get what I need from him in order to complete my own assignments? What are some strategies I can employ that will minimize the effects of his horrible attitude on my own morale? What can I do to help boost the morale of the rest of the team who have also been affected negatively by his behavior? 

Thanks in advance,
The Toxic Avenger

Dear Toxic Avenger:
Thank you for writing. Your decision to take positive action by reaching out for suggestions is evidence of your natural leadership. You have chosen to make a difference in a situation where compassionate management is essential. Well done!

In the scenario outlined above, a state of affairs has developed that places a strain on you along with department team members. Consequences may also be felt in the overall business because when relationships are impacted, productivity is delayed, and that drives up costs. Change is required at each level from the individual, to the departmental, and finally the organizational.

During the days ahead, consider that you don't know the full scope of Rob's motivations. There is more than what you see at the office; there may be circumstances outside the workplace that influence his behavior. Additionally, he may be unaware of how deeply his conduct is felt by others.

Take this opportunity to show your desire for mutual respect through your professionalism. Address issues as they arise. Quietly, take Rob aside when there is a workflow matter or inappropriate behavior which directly affects you, and share your concerns or questions. Help him become attuned to the various interpretations and the impact of his actions.

Prepare for your conversation by clarifying your goals. Be specific. What is the desired outcome? Define the dependencies in your mutual work areas, and be prepared to dispassionately and concisely discuss those intersection points. Review the current objective and existing problems without adding blame for past events.

For example: "Today our goal is to improve manufacturing schedule forecasts to support supply management. The current issue is that when required data is not received by the 15^th of the month critical reports are delayed. This holdup forces inconsistent forecasting estimates and therefore manufacturing schedules become challenging for supply management."

Arrange time to meet with Rob, and stay focused on the goal at hand when you do. During the subsequent discussion, take time to listen while keeping an open mind to Rob's responses. Different expectations can evolve into a new arrangement in which the requirements for both parties are acknowledged and can be successfully accomplished. This type of interaction works for teams too. Specific planning discussions often progress into facilitated team sessions to review general workflow, handoffs, and role responsibilities. From here process improvements emerge because the stage is set to share ideas and focus on a common goal.

In the event there is minimal improvement after your meeting with Rob, schedule a private conference with your supervisor. Provide a detailed, yet, neutral account of the problem. The same applies when inappropriate "prankster" behavior occurs. Speak with your supervisors in a timely manner. Do not wait for resentments to fester--deal with issues quickly to eliminate work distractions and prevent frustration.

However, if after bringing the issues forward to leadership, you still find the results unsatisfactory, it is time to ask yourself some tough questions. "Have I done all I can do to improve this situation?" If you answer no, what else is left for you to do? Are you willing to do it? If you decide that you have done your best, define your next steps and take action.

In the meantime, consider how each person individually influences the energy of the workplace. Every word spoken and every action taken creates a far-reaching ripple within the team. These ripples are the responses that either contribute or detract from the essential foundation of mutual respect and trust.

Trust is vital in life and paramount in professional interactions. It is built on credibility and behavior, by demonstrating the expertise required to successfully fulfill the job responsibilities coupled with clear communication skills and considerate conduct. Trust is defined by saying what you mean and doing what you say you'll do -- every time.

We thrive in an environment of trust, where there is a shared vision, transparency, and dedication to a common goal along with a sense of fun. People feel empowered and act accordingly; they are committed to the well-being of their workmates and sustainability of the company.

In this situation you have the chance to build trust and lead the way through change; by recognizing the opportunity, identifying and evaluating potential options, and then taking appropriate action, transformation occurs. You can play a vital role in that process. In summary:

1. Maintain open communication.
2. Define what you need from your teammates and learn what they need from you.
3. Develop shared expectations.
4. Request assistance from management to improve workplace harmony and productivity.
5. Reflect on job satisfaction and decide on your personal course of action.

Wishing you and your team all the best.

Judith Lukomski
Organizational Development and Change Consultant

About our Dear EB author: Judith Lukomski is a recognized change expert who brings a fresh perspective, proven methodologies, and transformational tools to client collaborations. Leveraging best practices and introducing New Dimension™ systems synthesizing logic, intuition, and creativity she delivers original Organizational Design and Readiness solutions for sustainable success. Ms. Lukomski merges practical experience with new business models to facilitate bottom-line success for clients. Building on the principles of shared passion, purpose, and profitability she is dedicated to ensuring a positive future for all!

If your organization is currently experiencing or anticipating changes in leadership, software systems, organizational structure, or any major shift in operations, contact Escoe Bliss (949.336.6444) to find out how our team of experts, like Judith, can help you achieve project success.

The Next Chapter of Escoe Bliss

This year marks an exciting time for Escoe Bliss as we welcomed Nathan and Debra Rager to our corporate team! The Ragers are successful entrepreneurs with a track record of turning ideas into a thriving businesses.  

Escoe Bliss founder Dr. Adrienne Escoe was very selective in her search for a new owner who would continue her legacy and protect the culture and well known reputation of Escoe Bliss. Nathan Rager's experience and education embody the Escoe Bliss mission, values, and ethics that have been practiced since our establishment in 1994. 

As we welcome fresh faces to the team, our promise to provide "Talented People & Exceptional Service" continues to remain at the forethought of our daily operations and relationships. The Escoe Bliss team that you know remains intact with Jolynn Atkins as an executive leader and the same support staff who are always available and ready to assist. Together, we are excited about Escoe Bliss’ business expansion and developments for 2013 and the years ahead. 

Learn more about Nathan Rager in the Q&A below and connect with him on LinkedIn.

1. Give us a brief description of your life prior to Escoe Bliss? 
   From a very early age I was involved with the day-to-day operations of the family business. Unlike most children my age who were busy with sports, the arts, or hanging out with friends, my free time was split between working in my family's state of the art meat processing facility or in the fields of the family’s commercial farm operation (founded in 1927 by my great-grandfather). In conjunction with my primary education, I was exposed to twenty years of a real-life education in business. My college years led me to Ohio State University and eventually into my first business venture. In 1994 I founded what would become a well-established and respected food service company. The primary mission was serving quality food products to clients. Those clients varied from Fortune 500 companies to locally owned factories, and included healthcare facilities and universities. In 2007 the company was purchased by a competitor with whom I spent the next three years managing the acquisition and change process.
2. Which attributes initially drew you to Escoe Bliss and helped you decide that this was the right business opportunity?
   The existing and established business appealed to me on many levels. Escoe Bliss is a small business made up of knowledgeable, passionate, and energetic personalities, and from my perspective this provided a solid foundation for growth and future success.
3. What can clients, consultants, and partners expect to see from Escoe Bliss looking forward into 2013?
   I have the utmost confidence in the established business model of Escoe Bliss and the ability of our team to continue to meet and exceed the expectations of our clients and partners. I look forward to working from this well-established base to further develop and market the potential and capabilities of Escoe Bliss.
4. What contributions are you looking forward to making to the Escoe Bliss team? 
   I am eager to meet all of our consultants and clients in an effort to further understand what we do right and what we can do better or differently to continue to meet and exceed their needs in the future.
5. Just for fun. When you’re not working, what would we find you doing?
   I enjoy spending time with my wife (my high school sweetheart), Debbie, and our four children; Isaac, Eli, Micah, and Mia. I enjoy cooking but not cleaning, fresh lemonade but not lemons, college football but not college baseball, and a sense of humor but not a sense of entitlement. And finally, I prefer a pint of Guinness over a glass of wine.

Nathan and Debra along with the entire Escoe Bliss corporate team are looking forward to a bright future together. Our Escoe Bliss culture of respect, responsibility, and responsiveness will continue, and our goal of helping clients achieve project success through custom communication and training solutions remains our driving purpose and priority. Thank you for joining us as we turn the page and begin the next chapter of "Talented People...Exceptional Service!"